The past year has been an interesting one for me. For a while, I’ve felt kind of draggy and
tired all the time. I would do fine at
work (though I work part-time) and then I would head home and collapse in a
heap on the couch. My favorite activity
may have become watching TV. I just felt
as though I could never get recharged. I
wondered if I had toxic mold in my house (which I have had before) and I was
having an allergic reaction. Or perhaps
I had slipped full on into diabetes.
I’ve been pre-diabetic for many, many years. I’ve had friends with chronic fatigue, and my
condition didn’t seem that extreme (since I was still exercising every day),
but I wondered. Basically, I was less
energetic than I had been in the past; I wasn’t sure what was causing it, but
it was a bummer.
I hike periodically with a friend who is a doctor, and she
suggested that it might be hormonal. I
am 46 years old, and I’m definitely peri-menopausal. Increasingly, my periods are shorter (about
three days now) and they happen about every 23 days instead of 28. Also my sex
drive was down. All normal for a 46 year old.
She suggested that I try taking DHEA which “balances hormones.” I had tried everything (I already take about
12 vitamins a day), so why not?
Instantly, it had an impact on me.
I felt happier, more energetic, and more alive. People said that I was glowing. I even got a little acne, which is truly
weird, but it meant that something was working.
I felt as though I was about five years younger. And, now when I get home from work, I am able
to do stuff – clean the house, play with Max, and take care of life. And now I’m looking around the world with
more desire, which is definitely a welcome change.
On top of this hormonal stuff, I’ve had a change of
perspective in the past year. For years,
I have been hanging out as a family with my ex (and our nine year old,
Max). And something changed in me over
the past year. I was just done with her
and done with us. I got tired of her
workaholism, her constant excuses for why she couldn’t help more with parenting,
and just her. I would say that we’re
barely friends now. I’m mostly pissed at
her and pissed at myself – for putting up with her crap for years beyond a
really bad relationship. That is a story
for another day, but we finally had a real separation. And I couldn’t be happier. I was just done with her.
The long and short of this (really the long of it), is that
I have reached a point where I feel as though I’m ready for a new
relationship. It is time. (My natropath even says that my heart is open
– I am from Santa Fe, after all.) Last
year, I started a new business, and my goal for 2012 was to make $10,000 this
year (which I surpassed in August, I think).
My goal this year is to find a new relationship. And along the way, to
have a dozen dates in the next year. I
like concrete goals. And I’d like to
write about these dozen dates along the way.
So I’m putting it out to the universe. I’d like a new relationship in 2013.
